I often think that there is no happiness in my life, and I keep searching, thinking maybe something is missing but the lack is in my way of thinking, not in my life or surroundings. In this mental struggle I noticed that when people used to tell me earlier to stay happy, I would think, how can I tell them about all the shortcomings in my life? But now, as I’ve grown older, I realize I may have become an adult physically while my mind was still young, because maturity taught me that I must look for happiness within myself; neither my husband, nor my father, nor anyone else can give it to me.
Now it seems I made a big mistake by exposing my emotions to everyone everywhere, because people judged me and even made fun of my feelings. I revealed my emotions so openly that people kept humiliating me maybe this wasn’t innocence but immaturity. I lived with childhood trauma and thought that having seen and experienced so much I would be mature by now. But I was wrong. Life brought me to places where people give up, but I kept fighting refusing to give up on life. That was my courage, not my maturity.
